So, it's um...January 3rd. I don't miss shopping for clothes but I'm already uncomfortable with the idea that new clothes are forbidden! We always want what we can't have, right?
I’ve been deleting all of the e-mails I get from Lane
Bryant, Kiyonna, Old Navy, etc…since their sales will be of no use to me until
January 1 of 2015. And on that glorious day
I will be able to shop again! But I’ll
probably be sleeping most of the day, as is my New Year’s tradition. The weather here in Columbus has been very
cold and snowy. It took me 2 hours to
get to work yesterday and the wind chill today makes it feel like -12 degrees. I love the cold but man…dats cold. I don’t think it will be too tempting to shop
in January. I’m always hot and even I
went to bed last night with an electric blanket, fleece robot PJ pants and
extra covers. Brrrrrrrrrrrr…
A few years ago I realized that I had a clothes hoarding
problem. I developed it when I was going
thru a stressful time and learned that I was momentarily comforted by buying a
$4 skirt. I have a knack for getting a
deal, I must say. I must also say that a
$4 skirt means nothing if you buy it 2 sizes too small and tell yourself that
you will diet into it. Whatever,
Emily. I don’t know what I was
thinking. Well, that’s not true. I know exactly what I was thinking. That skirt gave me hope. Things are bad now, I would tell myself…but
in 6 months I could be wearing this skirt and then I will know that I’ve “arrived”! (eyeroll)
So several years ago, after moving all my bins full of too small clothes
to my new place like an idiot, I began going through all of these clothes. Bins and bins. Probably 8?
I just remember being shocked at the amount of clothing and embarrassed by
the excess. First I took it down to 5
bins of clothes. Then after another
month or so…3 bins. Down, down, down
until it all fit in my closet. The one
thing I’ll say about that time is that I was able to sell my clothes at a
fabulous consignment shop in the Short North called Go Figure! It was basically a second job because I made
nearly $900 in one year off of those clothes.
It was sad to watch all those pretty dresses and skirts leave my possession,
but I determined not to hold onto things that never fit. NEVER fit.
They weren’t even “skinny clothes”.
They were clothes I could never wear, even at my smallest size, a
12. There’s a VERY good chance that with
my build, I could never dream of fitting into a size 8 jeans skirt no matter
how thin I became. And I need to be OK
with that.
So, last night I’m looking at my closets. Yes, closets…plural. I have an old house with not so great closets
but I have the luxury of having 2 for just my clothes! YAY!
In one closet I have all my shirts, scarves, camis, etc. In the small closet I have all my dresses and
folded up things that I don’t fit into.
Lots of skirts. I’m skirt
crazy! My body seldom fits well into
dresses because my top half is much larger than my bottom. Now first I want to remind you that these 2
closets used to be 2 closets and 8 bins of clothing. I never really knew what I had until I got
rid of things and organized everything I kept.
It took forever and I’m much happier now. But still there are those nagging jeans and
skirts that I could never get rid of. I
just couldn’t part with them. A cream
colored lace skirt, several tulip skirts with flounce at the bottom (obsessed),
Size 12 jeans (laughable), and a couple pair of work pants. I want to fit into those clothes. So when I started this year long shopping ban
I was getting rid of a few things to make room for the Christmas clothes my mom
had gifted me. I eyed those tiny skirts
and thought…hmmmmmm…maybe. Maybe a perk
of this project could be getting into those clothes. There are a few that used to fit me. There is a beautiful blue skirt that I wore 7
years ago. It’s so tiny…it seems
hopeless to me now. I was holding that
skirt and thinking about how when I wore it I considered myself
overweight. Oh, dear. That brought tears to my eyes. Really.
We are so hard on ourselves for no reason.
This morning I hopped on the scale. Meh.
The number doesn’t alarm me because I knew how much I weighed. I’m not happy about it but I’m rather numb to
it. It makes me think of all the times
when I was technically "thin" and thought I shouldn’t even go out in public. Wow. I
supposed I’ve matured. So, let’s see
what this challenge can do for me in regards to my checking account, my self discipline,
my health and those skirts! Maybe I’m
never meant to wear them. Or maybe they
can be my “new” clothes at some point this year.
Stay houndy,
Em
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